The week that was

Sometimes its necessary in life to just get away from it all. Skip out on the hectic day to day of your world and find a quiet place to just "be".

With a week's vacation "strongly suggested" by corporate management around the 4th of July weekend, the family and I headed up to Escanaba, MI on the Upper Peninsula (heretofore refered to as the "UP" and items from the UP will be "Yupper" items - got it?).

Here:



Escanaba is not the most remote place I've ever been, but its not too far off. AT&T Wireless has a store there, but no service. I imagine that their business is mediocre at best. Those Yuppers don't care too much for technology.

So what did I miss in my week of being completely unplugged in the UP? Strap in, this one's long.

Michael Jackson died! The King of Pop. The Man in the Mirror (OOOH!). And contrary to popular belief it was NOT food poisoning from eating 12 year old nuts. No, it was cardiac arrest that took the living legend from us. Though his later years were rife with controversy and outright WEIRDNESS, anyone that grew up in the late 70's and early 80's remembers a different Michael Jackson who gave us amazing songs, jumpstarted the music video industry, and provided years of hilarity in the form of living room recreations of his impossible dance maneuvers. Some will say that there is a special place for paedophiles and while I can't fully disagree with that, I've never been certain that the King of Pop was actually in search of boy toys. He was more just outright crazy, right? Dude lived with a monkey for a few years and named one of his kids Blanket. I'm gonna go with "crazy" and just hope for the best. RIP, MJ (the one on the left...the black Michael)



In other tragic news, Steve McNair was apparently shot in a murder suicide by a beautiful 20 year old lover. A terrible loss, no doubt. McNair was one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game (a former MVP), tough as nails, and an outstanding member of the community. He also apparently liked to bang hot young women and in my view that doesn't tarnish his image much. Though he was married and a father of four, you have to give the guy credit for being open minded in this era of jingoism and nationalist fervor aimed at degrading middle easterners! Not every pro athlete has a Lebanese side piece, ya know? RIP Air McNair.



Oh yeah, Farrah Fawcett died too. Lots of people falling by the wayside. The Infomercial dude as well. So here's to you, poster girl of late 70's auto body shops:



We also saw everyone's favorite Hockey Mom step down from her role as Governor of the State that watches Putin's every move. I wonder if quitters wear lipstick? In any event, after her near-racist pep rallies, her Abuse of Power investigation, her slutty daughter's nightmarish pregnancy, the public castration of her stay at home Hubby, and her denied request to upstage McCain during his concession speech - this last move can only be seen as a resignation, right? Wrong. Many opine that this is merely a ploy to prep for a presidential run. Now you might wonder why an unqualified, undereducated, fiscally irresponsible, redneck hoochie like Sarah Palin thinks that QUITTING HER JOB and turning her back on her constituents (who were stupid enough to elect her) would lend credence to a presidential run. You'd be asking a pretty good question.

What's on this woman's brain? Does she only read positive press? No, because she cited press scrutiny among her myriad of reasons for walking out on a public office position that she should have been thankful to ever hold. Was it the fact that her little baby Juno got knocked up by a semi-literate buffoon who's favorite past times are "shooting shit" and "kicking ass"? Maybe.

For all of us intelligent Americans, I beg you to run, Sarah Palin. And if that doesn't work out, you should probably immediately do porn. Because one way or the other, you're going to do porn. Best to get it in while you still have those legs to work with. My gut tells me you already have a few choice home vids, but it would be SO much easier to sell if you were a Presidential candidate gone bad. I'm thinking you, a moose, 3 KGB agents and a turkey baster. Let your imagination go wild, I have:



Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. "Nailin' Palin". Get some.


Andy Roddick almost won. Wimbledon. So much of that is quintessential Roddick. Almost. Nearly. So close. And such is the state of American Tennis post-Agassi. But you know what? Fuck that. Roddick is a winner. Here's Roddick's wife, huge Tar Heel fan Brooklyn Decker:



I was gonna write something clever here about how hot she is, but just look at her again. She's riiiiight here ^. Giggity.

And here's Federer's wife:


Roddick's wife: amazingly delicious. Federer's wife: looks like my buddy Chip's Aunt Claire. Seriously, my boy Anar hooked up with a chick that looked like that and we clowned his ass for weeks. Weak, Rog...Game, set, match to Roddick.

And keeping with the tennis theme for a moment, I was extremely saddened to hear that Simona Halep went through with her breast reduction. Read more at http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/index.php/2009/07/she-did-it-simona-haleps-breasts-are-gone/

Just take your prozac. A sad day for tennis fans the world over.

Until next time...